A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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