I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
