Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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