He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
