Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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