this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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