I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize