Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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