i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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