just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
