Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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