I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
