Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
