Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
