Pappa wants mamma naked
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
