u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
