dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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