don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
