I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
