Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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