I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
