Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
