you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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