Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
