She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
