the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
