Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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