my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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