i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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