you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
