so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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