I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I could make wine with my vomit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
