that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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