wakey wakey hands off snakey
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
