there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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