Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I won the penis lottery.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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