His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
