Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
