walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
