I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize