miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
