Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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