You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
