If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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