dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
