ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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