we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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