Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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