Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
