wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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