I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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