Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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