Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
