dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
