note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
