9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
