I want to stick my p in your. b.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
