I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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