Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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