the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
