I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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