I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
