maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
