so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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