dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
from now on my penis is your penis
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
