After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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