I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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