I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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