You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
