broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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