You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
