As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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