Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
try to milk me bitch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize