Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
