tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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