i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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