I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
