I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I smell stomach acid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
