I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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